The following account is entirely fictionAL. Any resemblance is strictly coincidental. 

“Hachu!”

“Bless you!” The mother said to Little Tim at the restaurant. “I am so sorry.” The mother gave the man a brief pause for his five year’s action.

Immediately, two seconds later a man dining by himself sneezed.

“Hachuum!”

Muhtaseer Makhtamim was not sure if he caught the flu this quickly. It was end of the month. He decided to blow the remainder of his savings on a veal steak at Sagittarius's.

A dark sash of thought briefly crossed his mind which he tried to wipe away. He was wearing a chiffon tie and a velvet jacket. Despite being a person who is unable to get a job and a decent shelter, he seemed to crave a lot of attention. The restaurant was no less high-end either. The slender candlelight and perfectly coiffed napkin in the serviette plus a million dollar Chardonnay to top it off- yes, Mr. Makhtamim was on a date with himself alright!

“Hacchuuum!” The man sneezed again. “I am so sorry.” He looked around embarrassingly.

Within the span of five minutes, he sneezed about ten times at least.

“Oh God. Someone get the poor guy some napkins.” A female voice echoed somewhere hidden from the room.

Couple of waiters and servers rushed to help him. The man stood up and somehow gathered his coat around snaking his hands in and wobbled away from the table precariously signing the bill for which he motioned earlier.

After Mr. Mukhtamim came back home in the stagecoach, he retired in his chambers and the flu-like symptom seemed to have died down. Only a month ago he was back at in Egypt and he wasn’t sure if he was carrying a virus around back from home.

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

The man was kept alive all night by sneezing. Suddenly around 3am, Mr. Mukhtamim realized he was ravenously hungry and craving for a mushroom burger from the same restaurant.

Little did he know his exploit was about to turn worse.

He staggered to his restroom, flicked on the switch, and sat down. As he was relieving himself, he sneezed again.

And again.

And again.

Soon he found himself making a mess all over his body. He sprayed excrements all over the toilet, the floor and his body as he violently and exasperatingly sneezed.

The sneezing does not seem to stop!

What the hell!

It must have been 7 hours already since his first sneezing. And since then the outburst continued and kept him awake for whole night. As soon as he thought it would die down, the spasm increased and he would violently contort, twist, and torque his entire body like a wretched voodoo doll ejaculating sprays of spittle all around.

Certain hours later, Mr. Mukhtamim stopped using the handkerchief and paper towels too! He realized he should call 911. But he decided to wait it out.

After two hours of intense and violent sneezing - yet with no apparent other symptoms of influenza- Mr. Mukhtamim’s body dropped down on the floor.

Labbayka llāhumma labbayka, labbayka lā sharīka laka labbayka, inna l-ḥamda wa n-ni’mata, laka wa l-mulka, lā sharīka lak.

Labbayka llāhumma labbayka, labbayka lā sharīka laka labbayka, inna l-ḥamda wa n-ni’mata, laka wa l-mulka, lā sharīka lak.

Labbayka llāhumma labbayka, labbayka lā sharīka laka labbayka, inna l-ḥamda wa n-ni’mata, laka wa l-mulka, lā sharīka lak.

Labbayka llāhumma labbayka, labbayka lā sharīka laka labbayka, inna l-ḥamda wa n-ni’mata, laka wa l-mulka, lā sharīka lak.

The wife totally shrouded in burkha was reciting the talbiyah to herself again and again throughout her umrah journey. As she stoned the statues of satan, all she wanted was just results. Justice to prevail. Allah is so just and merciful! Verily. Yes she believed! Yes! Yes! Yes! She totally did. For all the crimes her man committed he violently needs to meet his demise on this earth only! Forget Hereafter. Forget flames of the tongues of fiery serpent and what not! Forget! Her eyes were red with outrage and she seethed vengeance. Surely Allah is Most Just! Surely Allah is the most righteous one. For anyone who can look let alone touch such a young one as her offspring deserves the most diabolical, sadistic last hours here on Earth - she pleaded.

Mr. Muktaseer Mukhtamim did not want to be late at the dock next day. He was dying of hunger so he decided to take a small bite of banana. He was diabetic and seemed to have collapsed prone to such violent sneezing after his blood sugar level fell.

But as soon as he took the first bite, it burst out through his nostrils in violent ejaculation. His whole body seemed to shake in tremor as if being conducted with 12 million mega volts of karmic current.

He cannot possibly miss his work. Today his the first! Nobody hates missing work on the first than his psychotic boss!

He summoned all the courage, strength, vim, vigor and Nebuchadnezzar ounce of liquid stamina to make to his deadbolt. He thought of hailing Uber but he was too dizzy and shaken to use the app!

“Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”“Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!” “Hachuuuuum!”

“Hachuuuuum!”

The sneezing continued!

There was no pause, no respite, no breaks.

Everyone stared at him in the bus as he continued sneezing. Some felt pity. Some utter disgust. Yet the outpouring of love and compassion in the form of choral “Bless you!” “Oh you poor thing!” poured on amidst “Have a great day, sir!” of the gentle bus driver.

He somehow managed to dangle and be enmeshed with the cord to pull for the stop. As his lathe body languidly plastered down the step-way he kept sneezing and sneezing and sneezing.

Then his eyes bulged out and veins seemed to bleed temporarily causing blindness. He started to fart and fart and as he shook, he still kept on violently sneezing.

He fell flat face down misjudging his step on the cement pavement as feces splattered through his pants. He became a gooey mesh as if Hitler’s own twisted concoction couldn’t even define from the gulag oven.

The lifeless dead body gave one violent sneeze for the last time as his whole body danced like a wavy ribbon as the man laid in a pool of blood, vomit, and excrements.